LaLe is located at 731 Irving Street, between 8th and 9th Avenues. Aside from lots of street parking, there’s a metered parking lot right behind it, as well as one on 7th Avenue, and Golden Gate Park one block away. The N-Judah and other public transit stops at 9th Avenue.

If you’re interested in attending “Hi!” Tea, you can email me at adelebrookman@earthlink.net or call me at (415) 902-0684.

Please feel free to forward this to your other professional lists.

Thanks and hope to see you at LaLe the 2nd Wednesday of the month. – Adele

“Hi!” Tea is an SFCAMT “Off-the-Couch” monthly networking event.

Adele Brookman has been advocating and promoting fun, effective forms of networking since before networking was a popular concept in the common vernacular.

When I first met Adele, over 30 years ago, it was at the birthday picnic of a mutual friend wherein she, true to form, reached out and engaged me (new then to SF) in conversation about common interests and values. We’ve been friends and colleagues ever since.

The “Hi!” Tea she organizes and convenes the second Wednesday of each month at noon to 1:30 for about three years now, is in a pleasant Inner Sunset district café appropriately named Mellow Mellow. It is the current manifestation of Adele’s decades long service to our community, bringing therapists and allied professionals together for mutual support, professional enhancement, and as is always the case with Adele, laughter and fun.

Adele sees the monthly “Hi!” Tea (which is actually more of a lunch) as an outgrowth of the Fun Lunches once organized for our local CAMFT chapter members by Sara Alexander on Sacramento Street, and Ami Hartley, also in the Inner Sunset. Adele gives a nod as well to long-time chapter member, Wilma Bass, who encouraged her to move forward with the concept. Adele is pleased to report that “Hi!” Tea ongoingly enjoys great popularity and success.

Near the beginning of Adele’s psychotherapeutic career (she’s been licensed in CA since 1982 and was in the mental health field before that in PA), she specialized in the concept of “caring for the caregiver,” as well as leading many a self-care, self-nurturing and replenishing workshop for women who’d lost their mothers, and people with difficult family relations learning to survive the holidays.

Among Adele’s more widely recognized contributions to the field of anxiety treatment is a quote from her article, “Psychercise: A Replenishing Mind/Body Fitness Program,” which can be found on her website. It has been cited in ‘O’ Magazine, in Leonard Frank’s Webster’s Quotationary and many other publications, inspirational calendars, and websites. It reads: “Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death, but to inspire yourself to life.”

Adele says it’s been validating to learn over time that new discoveries in neuroscience support her long held belief that the “best antidote to stress lies in our connections with others.” That was the impetus for her many groups and workshops, and it was also the catalyst for creating this career-nurturing event, “Hi!” Tea.

Each month attendance varies in size. Sometimes it’s as few as six people, sometimes it’s as many as 20. Adele feels that “each size group you get is wonderful in its own way. When large, you get to make your presence known to a greater number of people, spread the word about what you do, and the ambiance can be lively and energetic. When small, the group has a sweet intimacy that’s lovely and special, with a deeper level of sharing.”

The gatherings follow a structure: Introduction by Adele with instructions on ordering and paying (she encourages people to support the café which has been a great support to the tea—and which has reasonably priced, tasty and healthy fare, including an array of delectable teas we usually share), followed by check-ins, updates and business card and flyer distributions. Everyone has a chance to be heard and to share what we want known about ourselves, our specialities, need for or to rent office space, workshop offerings,etc. There’s a second go-around to give people a chance to say anything they forgot in the first round. After that, it’s free-form shmoozing, or as Adele jokes, “therapists gone wild!”

Adele encourages people to also share things they are grateful for, as gratitude groups are now among her own repertoire of special offerings.

The range of professionals attending varies month to month also, but always complementary: from semi-retired and seasoned therapists to those just out of school, and combined with the occasional MDs, RNs,
Clergy, Acupuncturists, Body Workers, Practice Developers and Outreach Workers from treatment programs and special schools.

Unlike the queens associated with British High Teas, Adele has put a lot of hard work into convening her “Hi!” Tea over the years. She deserves a royal salute for continuing to bring folk together in meaningful, supportive and enjoyable ways, always creative and always fun. I was reminded recently of the value of the teas, when asked by a client for a particular kind of referral. Although I am in a consult group, attend SFCAMFT meetings, and read the Listserv daily, the first thought that came to mind was “Hi!” Tea and of the therapist who’d ongoingly stated with enthusiasm, her love of working with the population I needed a referral for. So the tea provides not just fun connectedness, but can have practice growing benefits as well.

Sheila Koren, LMFT, is a therapist/writer in the Outer Richmond district of SF. Her website is www.sheilakoren.com.

1. Do unto yourself as you would do unto others

   Start with the basics of optimal physical comfort — balanced nutrition, rest, exercise, clothing and hygiene — just as you’d want to provide for a child or a dear friend.

2. Remember to breathe

   Nurture yourself by giving yourself the full, deep belly breaths you deserve.

3. Balance activity with stillness

   It’s beneficial to slow down and even stop. Rest, daydream and replenish your depleted energy. Some form of spiritual practice like yoga or meditation gives you permission by making it “official.” But also allow yourself to get moving on things that need to be done. Relaxation and stillness to the point of procrastination only raise your stress level.

4. Set limits

   Notice what yours are and care for them. If you try to be all things to all people, you may wind up with no sense of self.

5. Imagine

   Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life. When you think about the future, picture the most positive scenario rather than the most catastrophic drama.

6. “Count your blessings”

   That corny old song actually makes a lot of sense, especially in times of great need. Note what you do have.

7. Admire the achievements of others

   View others’ triumphs and successes as a stimulus for finding hope. Use them as an opportunity to see how much is possible rather than get into the confinement of comparison.

8. Face your struggles

   Whenever you can, whether it’s doing something you’re afraid of or confronting someone or something uncomfortable for you, go through it and do it. You will wind up feeling empowered instead of helpless.

9. Ask for support

   Sometimes all your own self-care, compassion and courage just aren’t enough. Some problems require professional help. Getting professional counsel for psychersise can be a most self-caring act.

10. Re-create yourself

    Do enjoyable recreational activities that excite or soothe you. Sing, dance, play ball, act goofy, be lazy, have sex. You’re never too old to take out your crayons and paints! (or be sexual).

11. Remember your sense of humor

    ” Be a fundamentalist,” as my favorite guru, Swami Beyondandanda (AKA Steve Bhaerman) says. “Make sure the fun always comes before the mental…Have a good laughsative twice a day, and that will insure regularhilarity.”

12. Embrace the full range of your feelings

    They say that laughter gives an internal massage. That’s true of a good cry too. Strive to accept with compassion your times of sadness, anger and pain.

13. Beware the poison of perfectionism

    Use these psychercises as affirmations or explorations, not as one more oppressive list of tasks or rules that you could use to trash yourself with if not done exactly right immediately.

While this program may seem simple, the challenge is to begin and maintain it. The Replenishing groups, workshops, individual and couple therapy I offer are designed to get you started with Psychercise and keep you on track.

Achieving this takes purposeful practice.

Discover the effect this practice can have on your mind, body and spirit. In a comforting atmosphere with warmth and direction you will participate in guided exercises to refocus your awareness on what you do have to appreciate in yourself, others, and life in general.

Get to experience the difference between how you feel when you’re on negative automatic pilot versus mindful awareness of the positive. Develop a felt-state of gratitude as a place of refuge within. Then learn how to apply that when you need it in your life.

Adele Brookman, LMFT, has led groups and workshops for over 30 years, and also offers individual Gratitude consultation.

Adele Brookman is available to facilitate Gratitude Groups for your Organization, Agency or group.

Please contact me by phone – 415 681-7090 – if you are interested.

So take some time now to reflect, reassess where and how you’ve been using and putting your energy. Where and how have you been using your time? The more time you are putting aside presently to do this exercise, the more you can now go into more detail. Ask yourself, “ What do I want to shift and change?” just as the energy of this change-of-season period shifts and changes. Incorporate all your senses – noticing what you see, hear, feel, taste, touch. Remember to appreciate all you already do have to bring to this endeavor. Be sure to include a healthy balance of times of stillness and silence with your times of activity and movement as you prepare for the cozy darkness of winter and the lightness of spring that will follow.

If you want, you can further embellish this exercise by externalizing it onto paper or your computer. You might want to journal what you experience, or create a visual symbol of what you most want to be mindful of. This can be elaborate or just a doodle. You could make a collage of mindfulness. If you are inclined, create a song or a dance. Or a simple movement, posture, or touch. Have a good time doing whatever feels best and makes most sense to you.

During the course of a busy day, take a few minutes to go on “purposeful pilot.” Stop. Look inside with your mind’s eye. Listen to yourself. Pay attention to how you feel at that very moment. Notice your breath. In fact, notice if you are breathing. So often when either zooming around on automatic pilot, or “vegging out” and ruminating on frustrations, we hold our breath without even realizing it. Or we hyperventilate, leading to runaway thoughts and bodily tensions we aren’t even aware of until we stop and pay attention to ourselves.

Attend to your breath. Notice its tempo, exhale, and allow it to slow down. Notice where your breath is going in your torso, and gently guide it lower down, till you are having low, slow, deep breaths into your diaphragm or abdomen. Imagine each in-breath is breathing in relaxation and encouragement, and each exhalation is breathing out tension and discouragement.

Conclude with noticing the positive effect this has on your body and your mental outlook.

Preparing Your Soil for New Growth

1. Cut out pictures and words from magazines or draw your own pictures/write your own words that depict/express the “garbage,” or things you’d like to eliminate from your life — inner or outer.
2. Put them in a box or a bag. This represents your compost bin.
3. Put this compost container into a bigger bag or box (or any kind of container will do).
4. Then, again find and cut out words and pictures or do drawings which express things that are good and rich about you which you want to keep and desire to develop further. These, together with your “compost,” form the nutrients which will fertilize your inner soil for new growth.
5. Lastly, for the outside of your larger box or bag, cut out pictures, words, drawings, of all that you wish to grow, bring to fruition, emotionally and externally in your life.

Put your creation in a prominent place where you can admire it often and reinforce your intention for positive new growth.