Mother’s Day can be a mournful time for motherless women. Share how this feels for you and create new, more satisfying ways of taking care of yourself on this important day.

Issues covered include:

• Grief, whether your relationship was close , complicated, or challenging
• Lonliness, feeling bereft when others celebrate the day with their mothers
• Missing mother on this first Mother’s Day without her
• Long-held grief that has surfaced about losing your mother long ago

Goals of workshop include:

• Participants’ stories and needs are heard and cared about
• Self-care strategies are developed for future Mother’s Days
• Remember Mother and yourself in a special way on this significant day

About this workshop and the facilitator:

Part of an ongoing ‘Holiday Survival’ series led by Adele Brookman for over ten years. The workshop series stems from her 30+ years in general private practice with survivors of dysfunctional families, and with people grieving the AIDS and cancer epidemics, Mother-Loss, Parent-Loss and Sibling-Loss.

Sunday, May 11, 2008
1:30 - 5:30
7th & Irving St. (near UCSF)
Cost: $80.00

Phone screening and pre-registration required: (415) 681-7090

Facilitator: Adele Brookman LMFT

Please inform those whom you think might benefit from this workshop.

During the course of a busy day, take a few minutes to go on “purposeful pilot.” Stop. Look inside with your mind’s eye. Listen to yourself. Pay attention to how you feel at that very moment. Notice your breath. In fact, notice if you are breathing. So often when either zooming around on automatic pilot, or “vegging out” and ruminating on frustrations, we hold our breath without even realizing it. Or we hyperventilate, leading to runaway thoughts and bodily tensions we aren’t even aware of until we stop and pay attention to ourselves.

Attend to your breath. Notice its tempo, exhale, and allow it to slow down. Notice where your breath is going in your torso, and gently guide it lower down, till you are having low, slow, deep breaths into your diaphragm or abdomen. Imagine each in-breath is breathing in relaxation and encouragement, and each exhalation is breathing out tension and discouragement.

Conclude with noticing the positive effect this has on your body and your mental outlook.

1. Do unto yourself as you would do unto others.

   Start with the basics of optimal physical comfort — balanced nutrition, rest, exercise, clothing and hygiene — just as you’d want to provide for a child or a dear friend.

2. Remember to breathe.

   Nurture yourself by giving yourself the full, deep belly breaths you deserve.

3. Balance activity with stillness.

   It’s beneficial to slow down and even stop. Rest, daydream and replenish your depleted energy. Some form of spiritual practice like yoga or meditation gives you permission by making it “official.” But also allow yourself to get moving on things that need to be done. Relaxation and stillness to the point of procrastination only raise your stress level.

4. Set limits.

   Notice what yours are and care for them. If you try to be all things to all people, you may wind up with no sense of self.

5. Imagine.

   Use your imagination not to scare yourself to death but to inspire yourself to life. When you think about the future, picture the most positive scenario rather than the most catastrophic drama.

6. “Count your blessings”

   That corny old song actually makes a lot of sense, especially in times of great need. Note what you do have.

7. Admire the achievements of others.

   View others’ triumphs and successes as a stimulus for finding hope. Use them as an opportunity to see how much is possible rather than get into the confinement of comparison.

8. Face your struggles

   Whenever you can, whether it’s doing something you’re afraid of or confronting someone or something uncomfortable for you, go through it and do it. You will wind up feeling empowered instead of helpless.

9. Ask for support

   Sometimes all your own self-care, compassion and courage just aren’t enough. Some problems require professional help. Getting professional counsel for psychersise can be a most self-caring act.

10. Re-create yourself.

    Do enjoyable recreational activities that excite or soothe you. Sing, dance, play ball, act goofy, be lazy, have sex. You’re never too old to take out your crayons and paints! (or be sexual).

11. Remember your sense of humor.

    ” Be a fundamentalist,” as my favorite guru, Swami Beyondandanda (AKA Steve Bhaerman) says. “Make sure the fun always comes before the mental…Have a good laughsative twice a day, and that will insure regularhilarity.”

12. Embrace the full range of your feelings.

    They say that laughter gives an internal massage. That’s true of a good cry too. Strive to accept with compassion your times of sadness, anger and pain.

13. Beware the poison of perfectionism.

    Use these psychercises as affirmations or explorations, not as one more oppressive list of tasks or rules that you could use to trash yourself with if not done exactly right immediately.

While this program may seem simple, the challenge is to begin and maintain it. The Replenishing groups, workshops, individual and couple therapy I offer are designed to get you started with Psychercise and keep you on track.

—Adele Brookman, Psychotherapist

Point #5 of my “Psychercise” article really gets around. Over the years since its inception, it has found its way into several kinds of publications — everything from professional and employee newsletters, a book, a rather famous magazine, an inspirational calendar, and an inspirational website. There may more out there that I don’t even know about. So please let me know of any “Use your imagination…” spottings that you happen upon. Here are the specifics so far:

• Random House Webster’s Quotationary Leonard R. Frank, Editor November 24, 1998
• O The Oprah Magazine in the “O to go” section November 2001
• 2005 Year In A Box Calendar — Achieve Your Dreams Motivational Quotes for Success Philip and Karen Smith, Imagine State Publishing
• beliefnet web site, “Daily Inspiration” quote February 22, 2007